Lesson 6 // Optimism
RE LEARN
Before you begin: let’s take a few deep, grounding breaths. Place one hand on your heart and the other on your stomach, close your eyes, breathe in deep, hold, direct your awareness to your heart, and release. Repeat until you feel centered and relaxed.
We've spoken briefly about fear before in Overthinking. Fear and optimism go hand in hand because optimism is a kind of fearlessness. And fearlessness is not the absence of fear; fearlessness is the result of feeling fear and, instead of closing in the face of fear, remaining open. Like awareness and openness, optimism is something we all have that we can cultivate and strengthen through practice.
Optimism is defined as “hopefulness and confidence about the future or the successful outcome of something.” Simply, optimism is a willingness to remain open and hopeful, even when we feel like closing. Optimism is an attitude that we can call on and nurture because, as we said before, everyone can be optimistic. Like the other mindset tools and practices we’ve discussed thus far in this framework, we have a choice. You may feel as though you only have a drop of optimism and lean towards pessimism. But by practicing awareness, pausing, and then challenging ourselves to choose to remain open when we want to close and be pessimistic, our experience will slowly shift to reflect openness and optimism. This takes fearlessness to push beyond our conditioning, habitual reactions, comfort zone, and tendencies of pessimism.
Like an open mindset, optimism is a muscle that we can strengthen. Continually exercising optimism in every way possible, especially with things that seem small and insignificant, strengthens that muscle to be strong enough for bigger things that call for optimism, like achieving your dreams or seeing the good in humanity and being hopeful about the future. Only with hope and optimism can we take steps in the direction of meaningful change and creating our lives in our authentic image. Choosing optimism empowers us to transcend our limits. When we don’t nurture our optimism, we don’t have a true North to aim for - what we aim for is perhaps “okay” or “just better,” instead of limitless possibilities. Optimism is a compass that helps us remain on our path, open to limitless possibilities better than we can even imagine, and find our way when we get lost.
We all have experiences that create reactions within us in which we close our hearts and minds in one way or another, consciously or unconsciously. In those moments, we did the best we could with what we had in order to survive and function. As we strengthen our autonomy and cultivate our awareness, curiosity, and openness, we are likely to come face to face with these experiences and the closed thoughts and beliefs that were planted as a result. Though it can be uncomfortable, this is a crucial step that allows us to pull out the weeds of these thoughts and beliefs and heal in order to continue expanding and evolving. The difference is that, this time, when we come face to face with these experiences, we have the knowledge, wisdom, tools, and practices to empower ourselves so we can remain open. We are able to give space to the experiences, which allows us to explore them with gentle honesty, to see the experience and its impact with clarity. From there, we choose to readjust our thoughts, beliefs, and patterns to open once more.
To open in the face of suffering doesn’t mean there isn't something crummy or utterly horrific that's happened. It means we refuse to be closed by it. It’s a choice we make. That is fearless optimism because it is so easy to close our minds and our hearts in the face of suffering. It is comfortable to remain in that place, to move through life perceiving everything as a threat and being closed to try to protect ourselves. But, as we've said before, life is suffering. Life is also profoundly beautiful. If we close in the face of suffering, we also close in the face of deep joy and beauty. On the other side of discomfort, on the other side of processing (and it is a continual process) in order to open, lies a world far more expansive and incredible than any closed, comfortable place. If we want to touch and experience life’s deepest mysteries and joys, then we must be open to it all.
Optimism empowers actions taken in the direction of our goals and dreams (for ourselves, our communities, and the world); it is the fuel that makes our dreams a reality because it refuses to give up the understanding that anything is possible. In the face of inevitable difficulty and roadblocks, optimism says, “we can do hard things.” Optimism is what fuels the sanity of those who seem to insanely believe in their ability to turn their hopes and dreams, their imaginations, into reality. Those who remain open and optimistic to limitless possibilities and potential understand their fundamental role in the process: that it starts at the fundamental and subtle level of the mind. They understand the role of fearlessness in their optimism; they remain open, no matter how hard it may be at times, to the infinite possibilities and promise of the present moment. Those who see this as "insane" are closed to the reality of infinite possibility, which is life itself. You get to choose which you believe.
Next time you imagine something - trying/learning something new, achieving your dream, attaining your goals - instead of perpetuating closed thinking that tells you it’s impractical, it’s impossible, CHOOSE to feed your optimism. Use your awareness to recognize the closed thinking, pause, get curious about where that thinking comes from, and once you understand it, challenge yourself to see the situation with clarity and optimism with an open mind and open heart. From there, you can determine the steps to take today in the direction of your desires. After that, it’s one foot in front of the other, getting up when you trip, patience, and enjoying the process. You don’t need to know ten steps down the road, or even three. You just need to know what you can do today to get you one step closer to the direction you’re headed.
Just as we talked about in Open Mind, as children we are optimistic dreamers. That nature is still within you. As we get older, many of us lose touch with this tendency and shift towards pessimism and settle for what is, rather than going after what can be. Maybe it’s because we don’t feel we have what we need to get to where we want to be. It becomes harder to believe in our optimism. You are older and wiser; you have the knowledge and tools to set those optimistic dreams into motion to make them your reality. It is only a matter of strengthening our awareness, openness, and optimism, which we can all choose to do. With resourcefulness, patience, and determination, we can do anything. Everything you need is within you. It may take time; it’s a process. But as we challenge the pessimistic, dream-crushing voice that closes us off and promises certainty and realism in an uncertain reality, we can allow our voice of optimism to speak and light the open way forward.
REFLECT
Answer the following questions in your notebook, a piece of paper, or record yourself talking through your answers on your phone and read over or listen to your answers when you’re done.
Dig Deep. Be honest. Be compassionate. Be objective. Take responsibility and accountability. It is of no help for us to be judgmental of ourselves or direct blame elsewhere. You got this!
1. When do I lean towards optimism? When do I lean towards pessimism? How can optimistic-empowered action shift my pessimism?
2. How has choosing to be optimistic impacted a certain situation? How can strengthening my optimism and openness positively impact me today and in the future?
3. What is an experience that I closed because of (consciously or subconsciously)? Give yourself space between you and the experience. Ground yourself in the present moment. Take a few deep breaths. Pause before thinking. Explore the experience with gentle honesty. Using my awareness, what do I learn and understand with more clarity as I explore this experience and its impact? With this awareness, what do I need to accept or make peace with to decide to open once more?
4. What kind of attitude, thinking, and beliefs do I experience when considering my dreams and goals? Does this close me off to the possibilities, put me down, or exhibit fear disguised as practicality? Does it keep me from taking action? Where and when might I have picked up this attitude? Does this align with my thoughts and beliefs today and how I want to be? How can I empower myself to take action in the direction of my dreams, how I want to be, and the limitless possibilities for the life I’m creating in my authentic image?
5. How can feeding openness and optimism help me fuel my dreams with hope and confidence? How can feeding openness and optimism help me to take empowered action? What do I need to do? What might my previous answers be telling me about what is keeping me stuck? How will my practice of openness and optimism allow me to release myself from remaining stuck?
6. How can I tap into my inner-child more to feed openness and optimism? What role does belief play in nurturing this child-like optimism? What might I need to heal in my inner-child to do so?
RE DO
Imagining with Optimism
Having a vision for our lives helps guide our actions, staying in alignment with the direction we are aiming at. Our visions can be revised and readjusted countless times. The point is having a direction to go in, to hold ourselves accountable and keep us on the path, even if the direction changes, weeds out that which contradicts and antagonizes what we value and are aiming for. As far as we know, we only get one life. It’s up to us to make the most of it, no matter where we are on our journey.
Consider your vision for your life -
Sit down and for each question, close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and then ask yourself the question (out loud or in your head). Allow the answer to come from within (as opposed to any external influence or conditioning that might influence your aspirations). Maybe the answer arrises as a single word or intention from your gut or heart, as opposed to your mind. Be patient, still, and allow your imagination to run wild and show you your answers.
What do you want to do with your life? (You can even try starting at your death - How do you want to be remembered? And go from there) What do you want to experience and create?
What is the most beautiful and authentic life you can imagine? Family you can imagine? Friends you can imagine? Community you can imagine? And World you can imagine? What is your role in each of these?
It doesn’t matter how impractical, difficult, or unrealistic it may seem. Give yourself permission to be “impractical” or “unrealistic” especially if you tend to shut yourself down in the name of practicality. All that matters is that your answer is the most authentic answer for you (not what your culture, society, or even family thinks, but what resonates as being true and authentic for you).
Write down your answers in as much detail as you can - how it looks, how it feels, what it sounds like, what it would taste like, what it would smell like, think of all that you would experience, feel, and sense in this vision for your life.
After defining your vision for your life, answer the following questions:
How can I take charge of my life and see this vision as the outline for my life, not just some unrealistic fantasy?
What would it feel like to believe these aren’t just unrealistic fantasies but they are the outlines for my life? What would it look like to exercise optimism and follow this outline?
What action do I need to take, what changes might I need to make to make this possible? What are small daily steps I can take in the directions of my vision?
Take it a step further: make a vision board
If you feel inspired by this exercise, make a visual collage of images that represent what you’ve written down - goals, people, quotes, anything that resonates with you and your vision. You can do this digitally or physically by printing or cutting out images and collaging them on a board. However you prefer, put your board somewhere you will see it multiple times a day - set it as the wallpaper on your phone, computer, and/or tablet; hang it somewhere prominent as a beautiful piece of art.
For more on the power of vision boards and how to make one, listen to this episode of As It Goes →
Otherwise, take what you’ve written or rewrite it on a separate piece of paper and hang it somewhere you’ll see it often to keep you aligned with your vision.
__________
A note for when the fear creeps in and tempts you to close you... You are daring to play big, to be courageous and fearless, and optimistically follow your outline for your life. That is your responsibility to yourself. The most empowering thing is that you are the one who can make it all possible. You are also the one who can keep you from realizing your vision. The choice is yours. Feel the fear and act in alignment with your vision anyway. That is fearlessness. That is courage. That is optimism. That is ownership and empowerment.
You can dare to play as big as the visions of your dreams written here. With awareness, space, and openness, you can catch yourself when you’re thinking pessimistically about a situation or the future, see it with gentleness and explore it for clarity, release it, and feed optimism.
The more action we take in alignment with openness, optimism, and courage, the stronger those muscles become and the easier it is to exercise them. The more we understand our thinking, patterns, and beliefs (conscious and subconscious) the more we can cultivate the mindset we want. The more frequently we turn to optimism, the more it becomes our default mode of thinking.
This exercises was inspired, in part by Untamed by Glennon Doyle.
In Your Day-to-Day
When you choose to remain open when feeling fearful or pessimistic, your world will shift to reflect that openness and optimism
The more you exercise optimism, in micro and macro ways, the stronger a muscle it is as it becomes your default mode
Optimism empowers you to transcend limits, change and stay on your path, and be open to all the possibilities
Your optimism helps you face the ways you’ve closed your heart and mind, give space to those experiences, understand them, reframe your thoughts, beliefs, and patterns, and open once more
Being optimistic fuels your continual ability to take the necessary actions to make your life in your authentic image; it’s just one step at a time
Use your vision for the future (and your vision board if you make one) to help keep you on your path, discerning what does and doesn’t align to your authentic image and direction with optimism and trust as your compass
Every few months, year (or so, whatever feels right for you) check in with your vision and realign, readjust to keep the momentum going
